Where does communication, language, and behaviors emerge from? You guessed it! EARLY EMOTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS! Disruptions to these relationships will undoubtedly lead to disruption of behaviors, language, play, and other ways babies express themselves. Let’s take a deeper look at “behaviors” and get a better sense of what really may be going on…

1. Behaviors are usually an attempt to communicate and have a need met. Under every behavior is a feeling and under that feeling, a need.
2. We must understand the child from different perspectives; what is their developmental level or their temperament, what are their own unique individual differences? Is this behavior occurring because the task being asked of them is incongruent with their developmental level?
3. Behavior may be a sign of stress! Stressors are anything throughout our day that requires us to burn energy in order to run smoothly. Stressors come BEFORE the trigger that led to the behavior. This stress is underlying and often internal and unseen.
4. The behavior is usually the “last straw” as opposed to “the reason”. Many stressors are tolerated long before the behavior occurs. Stressors come in 5 Domains: biological, emotional, cognitive, social, and prosocial or caring for others. The goal is to intervene on that core stress rather than the behavior that emerges from it.
5. Children that demonstrate behaviors that require our attention are often SEEKING CONNECTION, not separation or ignoring. We need to shift the focus from compliance and correction to empathy and connection. There is a time for correction, but this cannot happen without connection first.

So the next time your LO “acts out”, pause. Give them your attention. Ask to yourself, what are they trying to communicate? And wonder what else is going on. Bring your calm (regulated) to their chaos (dysregulated). It’s not always easy but it will be worth it.

Resources | References

• NJ Children’s System of Care
• Montclair State University Center for Autism and Early Childhood Mental Health
• KEEPING BABIES & CHILDREN IN MIND Professional Formation Series in Infant & Early Childhood